Who am I?

By 09:30

This was dated quite some time back (okay not really that far away but recently this year), and it really bothered me)

This year has been quite an emotional roller coaster.

I am an introvert, and it's just who I am. You know those personality tests that people do? Yeah, the results also point out that I am an introvert. And don't tell me those tests aren't accurate blah blah because I once did one quite in-depth one for a friend's project with a psychologist.
It never really bothered much about such stuff, just read and then move on luh. But I guess it never really struck me that people could misunderstand me very easily because of my actions and the way I work.

And it really gave me a shock when one day someone tells me that he/she has problems with me and the way I work. After a long talk, it turned out that they were all misunderstandings and everything was resolved.I'm glad we talked about it, otherwise, the misunderstandings would get deeper to a point where it cannot be saved. 

I know school has always taught us that we should look at things from different perspectives, think from others' point of views etc. etc. I know of it, we all do. But when it comes to working with other people, you just do as you usually would, because nobody has told you that there was anything wrong with it.

In the past, I used to be really annoying and irritating, a know-it-all, constantly trying to show that I was better than others.it never occurred to me that I was doing it because it was part of my personality and I did it subconsciously. It cost me my best friend because she got so sick of me and couldn't stand me. The thing was, nobody told me, not even her, that my personality was like that. And well, I was so childish and immature that I never realised what a huge problem it was. Of course, I changed and I daresay I wasn't that same person I was when I was younger.

To me, work is work, and all other stuff, e.g. friendship is friendship. I will never allow work to affect my friendships because it's just not worth it. I'm not sure how I should say this but whatever disagreements or troubles at work, it won't make me like you less or treat you less as a friend. If you're my friend, you're my friend, simple as that.

Because of this trait that I have, I tend to take work seriously (I mean just like everyone else). However, the negative part about it, is that I fail to consider the feelings of those working together with me. I neglect all their good because I feel that it is part of their job, just like how everyone else has their own role to play, you should do what you do. But NO, this will never work because humans are all emotional creatures, we all want to feel appreciated especially after investing so much time and effort for the sake of others. And I have severely neglected this area. 

It's quite scary, to all of a sudden, have somebody tell you all these problems they have with you and all  these things that you are doing wrong. When personalities clash at work, I will try to keep my distance because I don't want to anger the other party/get myself angry too. 

I never realised this but I always always always sweep my problems(relationship-wise) under the couch hoping that it would go away or resolve by itself. I have not been able to confront others hoping that things will get better but what we (I) don't see is that if we never voice out our unhappiness/problems/issues and talk it through, the misunderstandings just get worse and people get hurt because of this.

I need to change because it's not going to work anymore.

Pardon me for the rant, just doing some self-reflection here...

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